Are You Passionate Enough?

How passionate are you? Do you just tiptoe around on the surface of life, or do you dive into the depths of the oceans of your passions? When you hear the word 'passion' what comes to mind? Sex? OK. Let's go there because, frankly, it's sad that for most people the only brush they have with passion is between the sheets... if that. But if you've at least got that concept sorted, it gives us a place to start. 

Romance novelists (I'm a bestselling one of those) know how to pull you into the passion of an encounter. And, no, it's not about the smushing together of body parts. That would be porn. Lust. I'm talking passion. WAY more complex of an emotion. So, how do we pull you into a passionate story so much that you utterly believe you've witnessed the hero and heroine 'bumping uglies' even if you haven't? (Spoiler alert - that happened with my novel hundreds of times. You really don't get to see them doing anything X rated... but you'll think you did). The answer is pretty simple. We connect you with yourself. It's a virtuous feedback loop. Marketers do the same. 

When a novelist or filmmaker, or some other kind of Bard puts you in contact with yourself, you feel a passionate connection. But it's not with anyone else. It's with yourself. When you cry for the hero or heroine in a film, you're crying for you. When you read a book and feel the passion between the characters it's because the author connected you with your physical body through descriptive language that triggered your mirror neurons. Yeah, that old chestnut. Sorry to science this up for you, but it's true.

It's how Cambridge Analytica was able to influence the political decisions of up to 85 million people. They set up fake identities that triggered PASSION. The big joke is that they planted into those people's minds language such as 'triggered' to use against their opponents, when they were the ones being triggered all along. However, everyone gets triggered. It's a sign of profound brain damage if your limbic system doesn't do this. If your amygdala doesn't trigger feelings then you're basically dead. Even psychopaths - who aren't triggered to feel empathy - are triggered in the areas corresponding to aggression and lust, for instance. 

There's enough aggression and lust online. You don't want to trigger those in yourself or your prospects or audience. Instead, trigger their sense to look within. Then nurture in them an inward desire to seek passion. It's not about you. It's NEVER about you. It's about THEM. This post is for you. Read it. Find your passion. Share it. Then help others to find theirs. 

How to find your passion

What are you daydreaming about most this week? Were you daydreaming about that last week? Last month? Last year? Start there. To where do your thoughts habitually flow?

• Is it a dream or a person?
• If it's a dream, you already found your passion. Congratulations. Deconstruct it. Start from the end and work backwards through the steps required to reach that dream. I can help with that.
• If it's a person, what do they represent to you? Do you dream of being with someone? Is it someone you know? Whether it's a potential mentor or a potential romantic partner, what inspires you about them? Are they confident or skilled or kind or charitable or do they have a strong presence? Where is that in you? How do they represent the missing pieces of your puzzle? For instance, if you're extroverted and confident and are drawn to someone introverted and mysterious, where is your depth? How can that person inspire you to look for those things inside yourself? If there's not a specific person, but you daydream about a character in a book or film, why? How are they the key to your locked persona? 

We each have a public self and a private self. I believe we also have an unlocked persona and a locked persona. Often, the polarity between you and another highlights your locked persona. They are the public self version of your locked self. They are the externalised map to the cave in yourself that you dare not enter. Consider that. Mull it over. Is that true for you? This next bit is tricky. Bear with it...

• Do you daydream negative daydreams? Do you have imaginary arguments with people in your head? Do you hate on people when your brain is on stand-by? If you want to say you don't, that's your ego trying to make you appear better to yourself than you are. You're not perfect. Nobody is. The default setting for humans is negative in this time, because that is the default conversation. Your conscious mind sets the agenda and your subconscious fills in the spaces. Unless you consciously fight against the darkness, it wins. BUT... here's the cool thing... it's actually GOOD if you're thinking bad things about people...
• When you're jealous of someone, pay attention. You're telling yourself what you respect about them. Again, what you see in them is also in you, or it is in your potential. The resonance gets your attention, then the realisation that you're not there yet triggers your amygdala to attack. Stop. How can you be grateful to the person you envy for showing you what you need to work on? 

Write the positive qualities of both - and it may even be the same person. What draws you towards them? What are you jealous or envious of about them? How are those things good? Now, look at your list. How many of those qualities do you feel deficient in? How many of those qualities would you like? Do you need that person to help you find those things within yourself? The obvious 'Yellow Brick Road' answer is that they're in you all along, but we are social animals with mirror neurons, so there's no reason at all to prevent you seeking their collaboration in the process. I do. When I've been envious of people in the past, I've hired them.

When you've finished with that exercise, you should have some decent notes on who you're drawn towards and who you're envious of. Strictly speaking, pay attention to what you're envious of rather than jealous of. Envy is a perceived lack within the self of something someone else possesses in their self. Jealousy includes the aspect of fear of loss. So, if you're jealous too, think what it is that you're scared to lose if this person keeps being awesome. Then ask yourself if what you stand to gain by being inspired is worth the price of surrendering the fear of what you stand to lose by them shining brighter than you perceive yourself to shine.